Chapter 3: House Arrest

I got up in the morning feeling extremely cold. There was nothing I could do yet. There was no ration, so I couldn’t make any tea or breakfast. N went to office and I got back to unpacking and arranging. I love arranging stuff- makes me feel I possess control over a lot of things in life, which ironically is never the case. I arranged things, cleaned up a bit and waited for N to be back so that we could go and shop. Utensils, washing powder, utensil cleaner, all in place I was happy to get back to my arranging things. It took me three days to have the kitchen up and running smoothly. But once this was done, there wasn’t much I could do at home so I would go out to take a walk. Everybody on the road looked so busy and important that I felt there was something that was missing in life. People had destinations; they knew where they were going whereas I was totally clueless where I was taking my life and vice versa. I had just cleared an exam for which I had studied really hard and had finished doing a translation job so there was just nothing for me to do. My interests would have a very short life span and the freezing weather would make it even shorter. The weekends would be spent sightseeing Shanghai, eating, fighting, crying, and making up. The weekdays would be spent cooking, washing utensils, clothes, sweeping and wondering what I was doing with my life. Since there would be nobody to talk to I would watch movies. I don’t think I have ever watched so many movies in such a short span.